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Sleeping

I'm going to talk about sleeping here . About myself n my problem . Honestly I had not been realizing the severity of this problem .. until , yest I couldn't wake up at all despite 38 calls n one hour door bell . I'm disappointed of myself yet helpless. Problem is I dono which Dr to consult n to check . I dono what's the real culprit lie . Really frustrated.

Till then.

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Work

It's about the new posting where job scope wider bug commitment lesser. We are not primary doctor , not primary team, decision not by us, no patient directly under us. 


Was in this posting past 2 weeks. Attempted procedure, success yupe. Make friends , thinking of future prospect . Enjoying the flexible time table . Just that need to adapt to different ppl. And I feel that some ppl just quite weird . 

Anyway , on top of that , I went for some massage service n relaxation thing , but I'm still not fully relax . Sigh I just hope I can really enjoy this life n don't waste my youth . 

Till then .

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Freedom

Again. In order to have my own time, to do things that give me satisfaction , I need to b until an extreme stage....


Today, I clean my room, I clean the fan ( which had not been touched for more than one year ) , I discard the old clothes rack , which had been spoilt few month ago but cause I don't have time so I just ignore that. 

Yeah , honestly I have time, I'm off every weekend since one month plus ago, until I myself cannot stand it n go n request working over weekend, but obviously my request never being approved cause the leaders told me to go enjoy weekend . Sigh ..... But none of my weekend being properly used. I have time, but I don't have the freedom to do things I want. Basically, I wasted so many of my weekend off last month. N I cannot complain .

Anyway. I felt much better now. At least , I got myself one weekend for myself , although I'm really really sick with bad sore throat n flu, but still I'm really glad i can have my own time. 

Till then . 

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The Piano Guys

Recently, i really love this band!

 

And this piano Solo.......


The Piano Guy.

More from them....



And



Ar they are just so talented!!

Till then.

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Efficient HO

Last day of posting tomorrow .... Entering the posting with critical care . Finally done with this women department , where medical legal is damn important , consultant fierce but u love them.


Was busy running around for this operation list thing past one month. Getting scolded n hearing praises at the same time. The most rewarding part is ur specialist don't even assess u n straight away sign ur assessment paper, the consultant told the specialist to just give whatever marksI want for my assessment, the consultant telling another consultant I'm the super efficient houseman n another consultant agreed to that statement . They told me to find someone as good as me to replace me once I finish posting . N the consultant keep emphasize to her nurse that I'm damn hardworking n she likes me !

Wao, that's great , I sound so arrogant now, lol. 

Anyway, I'm just abit hyper n wanted to share it here. Since I can't be bragging to other ppl about this , they will think I'm crazy, self praise is not a good thing to do. Haha

Lastly, I miss my family. Had been working non stop. Luckily my parents came Seremban few weeks ago n I manage to meet them . Miss my mummy ...


I'm getting fatter. T_T

Till then .

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Back

Its all about work, again. Guess I'm just trapped in this cycle....work am, work pm, sleep, wake up, go back work pm, sleep, wake up no energy, sleep again, then force to wake up, rush, put on "nice" clothes, pretend to b very energize n happy, then back, sleep.........¤.......

Yeah , was in SASA, then ppl start calling me, how this how that, ask me settle this settle that. When finally I thought it's over, I receive msg ask me to change, so end up I rush back, despite being scolded, n rush to work ..... Damn tire but no choice, to replace for something that I never done wrong. The only timetable that I had never arrange turns up to b a problematic one, n I end up getting its consequence.

Well I need to grown up then. Till then .

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Off day

It suppose to b my off day, yeah I got it. So the its my own day, a day when I no need to listen to ppl's instruction, no need to answer to all nonsense Que, no need to help ppl solve all ridiculous request.

But I don't understand, always, during my off day, I will b bound to answer those Que that I hate the most. I just want to b myself, alone n relax. Not keep being asked " what r u doing now? " " why u didn't go n find ur friend? " " u should go n do this this this ...." " where r u now? " " what's ur plan for today ? " ......etc annoying Que . Sigh, sometime want to breath oso cannot, want to stay alone oso need to gone through so many obstacles. Worst, if I don't answer, I'll get scolding, as if is my fault because I don't answer, as if i'm wrong for wanted to rest, as if I m some idiot that cannot survive alone...... It hurt, badly, really. For losing all my rights n my freedom.

Sigh , so I sort to not answering calls, refuse to reply msg, refuse to tell the truth, cont being isolated, feeling down throughout the day, n no more mood in doing other things. The initial plans oso don't feel like carry on anymore, because it's just too annoying to answer to those Que. No wonder I'm so stress up all the time.

Ok I'm done here. Just renting , no special intention, I'm just very stress. Till then.

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Humiliate

Honestly I understand, sometimes we r annoyed so we scold ppl, but I still think it's too much , to humiliate ppl n didn't find out the cause before pointing the blame at ppl. Everyone in learning process , just bear. Sigh . Wasted my tear n my BB cream/face powder over that brainless ridiculous so called  medico-legal thing.

Till then.

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The Piano Guy - Berlin

Was fascinated by this group of musician recently ... Love the music !

Watch "Berlin - Original song for 12 cellos (and a kick drum) - ThePianoGuys" on YouTube

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I miss....

So end of posting leave had end. New posting awaiting, surgical based posting, again. T_T


Felt like the whole week of holiday was wasted as i dont really get to do whatever things that i like. Imagine that when u want to relax, and when u feel so happy u finally can have your own holiday, but in the end u still need to abide to some restriction, cant do whatever that you really like, and cant express well, and even express, can't really gain understanding, don't really know how to put it in a nice expression so that people wont angry. Dont really feel like it's a proper holiday, don't really have time to myself, owh, i do have time to myself and do allowed to do whatever that i like, but in a compensated way...........ok whatever, holiday had gone, i cant reverse the time.


Just feel like post some photo and blog, about things that i really really misssssssssssssss, since i started working.....

I miss...
My parents, who care and love me more than anyone else.... who raise me up and still love me even though i seldom went back home....

 I won't forgot the feeling when mum called me inform that dad going for Craniotomy, on my birthday 2011, which i decided cancel the birthday celebration and rush back Ipoh to see dad. I always think that my dad is very strong, he underwent 2 laparotomy, 2 craniotomy and yet he still the best daddy i had ever had.

 I miss.....
Playing piano. And music, and serving God in church, and writing melody that doesn't make sense......
  Well, if ever i saw the crystal piano in real life.... *LOVE*

I miss....
Zumba..... OMG do you know how looooooooooong had i not exercise to burn all the FATTTTTTS on my tummy/thigh/arm/face/leg,
No wonder i'm growing fatter and fatter.....T_T T_T T_T I swear i swear i must go for zumba sssooooonnn!


I miss....
Exposing under the son, wearing a sunglasses and enjoying the sunshine.

I miss.....
Travelling to overseas , taking a plane, and enjoy the beauty of the sky..
Ok i think if i m not mistaken this is the view of Medan, Indonesia, taken last year when i went there with mum, and stay in the doctor's clinic house.....lol

I miss....
Friendssss, i miss taking photo/camwhoring with friendsssss...
Ok i miss SSL, she is having so much fun in KK, should had advice everyone, if ever want to enjoy life as a HO, we should go QE hospital in KK. Haha...

I miss....
Dinner with bf n dress pretty and smile truely - not fake smile........
 And the birthday dinner at this super hi-class restaurant, er it's call Fine Dining for whatever sake....
And my Godiva carrot chocolate cake, which no one enjoy the cake except me. And everyone got to pay a huge amount to make me happy. Thanks to my dear bf Nick. Ok i felt bad actually, for wasting his money like this....

I miss......
Shopping, and buying clothes that i really like, and trying nice dress with no hesitancy, not crying cause too fat can't fit the nice dress...

One thing that i damn regret for now is I did not buy this dress......and omg, see i'm damn slim during that time. Cant believe after my anorexic nervosa recover, i gain weight......Hate being fat. Can someone just scold me if u see me eating. T_T

Oh well ignore the anorexic statement, even psychiatrist asking me to see psychologist, so i don't think i'm that serious. I'm fine, just abit stress and have no where to express as i'm just living in a compensated free environment, which even i take one bite of sweet stuff i'll face a "friendly" advice which hurts me sooooo badly.

Till then. Statement make above are mostly exaggerating, i think i'm fine. =_=lll

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G-F-F

Some time, it's not easy to make friends, esp for a workaholic like me, who should b grateful at least I still got bf concern about me since I'm staying away from family and staying alone in kl....

But I'm really happy for the friends i had throughout my posting in HKL. Despite our super hectic schedule , we still organize dinner plan together, cause we r too stress n need time to gossip and complain to each other....LOL.

Today, we decided to "mia" to celebrate koon ling's bday , with one super small muffin cake, n one cacat stick on it  ( thanks to sock wen's 'smart' suggestion =_=lll )....

Just want to share the pic here...:)

The "CAKE"and the Birthday Girl that aged one year already...... Hugggssss
Picture during MIA.....haha, with my GFF in HKL, ie my girl-friends who my bf complain daily cause he say these girls had take away my precious time that suppose to spend with him........hahahahaha.....

Till then. Tomorrow last day in the super stressful posting, Thanks God!


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Towards Light, hopefully

Finally , its end of April.

Well, I don't mean to abandon this blog for so long, but I really not in the mood to write, esp everyday deal with the major stress, worry about getting into trouble, being treated as useless plus stupid by-stander.....
Although, in the mean time , I learn how to b fierce, learn to protect myself, stay distance from trouble makers , learn to just concentrate on my own issues....

[Good Attitude, Good Knowledge]....this super encouraging comment from my last assessor, make me feel all my hard work did worth some thing. At least this comment came from the consultant who extend the most number of HO in the posting , n the assessment questions are all not easy. I'm so glad I don't have much problem in answering all questions, also glad that the supervisor sign my logbook n leave form without hesitation.

My last day in ward, during the weekend, was indeed very dramatic, I'm glad the MO oncall save me n spared me from trouble, also he sent me an encouraging msg after the incidence cause i kept apologize and felt super guilty on the mistake i made. I'm so touch. T_T
Been posted to an isolated unit call Burns unit this week, learn lots on ICU care , n see new things that plastic surgeon do, an eye opener indeed.

Hope my next posting will b well. Finally can Passover all the burden n don't need to develop palpitation each time unknown number call me. Phew.

Till then . The final list to type. Wish me luck .


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