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Disease process

First of all, i want to say, to everyone, anyone.....
If you have a friend who is not thin, PLEASE PLEASE do not call them fat or give them nick name. The impact is, ANOREXIC NERVOSA. this is a very serious condition that you want to heal but u just cannot stop. And after a person become anorexic, they will think of them as a fat person for a very long period, despite how you counsel them. Worse is, if they are abit well educated, it's much more difficult to give them CBT. They won't buy this cognitive behavioural thing.

Ya, i know this, i 'm going through this, i'm seriously dono how to face this. No, i should say, i know how to face this, but i don't want to face this. I persuade myself that i should reach the target weight, i cry on my own when i realize i gain weight, i just cant stop to hurt myself when i put on alot of weight that is not acceptable to me. I always thought that my disease had gone into remission and i'll be fine soon. I always want to stay happy like this. But the thing is, i'm not God, and sometime i know i can heal but i refuse. I'm very confuse. The thing i type oso sound confuse cause i oso confuse.

I knew that it's a non-ending disease, came along with all sorts of complication and consequences. But then, when it's really happen, i just couldn't accept it. To make things worse, i'm always being counsel and become a joke for my friends. I know it's for my own good but i just couldn't accept it when they play until too over. I know they really do for my benefits, they don't want me to end up having on TPN in the ward or having a PGU. They cannot tahan me abusing my own body esp my stomach. So they keep counsel me, try all sorts of ways to tell me i need to eat more.

Thing get worse when i start to realize i need to organize my own financial plan and i need to pay for my own school fees as much as i can. It's really very stressful to need to face all this. Sometime, the reason for not eating is not as easy as i'm an anorexic anymore. There are more reasons behind this. But when ppl just take it as i'm an anorexic and keep persuade me to eat, i feel more stress.

Sigh, dono lar, this is not going to end anytime soon, but i'm a Christian, i believe in my Almighthy God. I have a very supportive parents and family members, i have a very supportive boyfriend as well, and good housemates, good batchmates, good group mates etc etc and lots and lots of good friends who keep telling me i'm thin enough, i'm pretty enough, i 'm in good shape.

Guess this is the hormone thing again. Sigh, ppl's PMS is pre-MS, my PMS now is post-MS.

All the best for me

Till then.

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