Powered by Blogger.
Container Icon


Elective started. Raya coming soon. Balik kampung song heard everywhere again. ok i oso dono why i started my post so emo-ly, lol. but i'm really tire. not i dont want to sleep, i do want to sleep, but i cant, not because of insomnia, but i dont have chance to sleep, i mean quality sleep, not those few minutes o 2 hours close-eye useless sleep.....

Alright, i thought it's normal to have lack of sleep during exam period, but the lack of sleep is worse during holidays, i know after this elective/selective, i'll have non-stop study period for many many countless months. so i should rest well now, but but but but but.......... sigh, i'm very tire of myself keep turning round and round on the same problem, i'm really tire, physically, mentally, spiritually..........generally! Ya, ppl concern about me, trying to help me, but i still keep so stubborn and hopelessly helpless. dono lar, sometime, i feel like i'm taking everything too serious, and being too independent, and very defensive. Yupe all these are the reason of me having bad prognosis if i ever being diagnosed as anorexia nervosa or worse bulemia nervosa with MDD, which i thinik i'm proceed nearer to the diagnosis..................T_T

ok i think no one will actually read through my post in detail, so it's ok for me to be depress here, at least no one will force me go see an psychiatrist asap and acknowledge the importance of early intervention on my symptoms. i know i'm having a super major problem, but i 'm in denial and refuse to deal with it. ok lar whatever la, even i go see an psychiatrist, with such strong defense mechanism, i think my case might be thrown from doctors to doctors as it's so difficult to deal with a patient with strong defensive mechanism.

About causes of my anorexic behaviour, and why i suddenly lost so much weight, and suddenly change from a cheerful person to a very negative, dull, depressed person...... Honestly, i dont really have an exact answer, but what i know is, if u ask me to mention few names of people that contribute to my symptoms, i can come out with a list. Those people that use to make fun of my weight and discourage me from losing weight might be the top of list.

Those that really treat me nice regardless of my weight, i really felt thankful for them. I really thankful for few secondary school friends, that really treat me nice despite many things that had happen, friends like yvloi, schin, wxin, swen, qjin, khwa, hlang really a blessing for me. My uni friends, chloe, kim, ssl, liang, uncle, yyg, kheelung, jocelyn, cindy, amy, pris, mian, diana seah, diana ngu, klik, marissa, peiwen, etc etc etc also a blessing for me, seniors/juniors that i cant finish mention all names here too. I'm not afraid to tell ppl the reason i lost so much weight is because i had anorexic syndrome. The reason of me having those syndrome is because i care too much of what ppl say about me. To narrow down who are those ppl, those guys that keep make fun of my weight esp during gathering/reunion/similar event are those to be blamed, but i do know they say that is out of fun, but because it's too hurtful, so the effect is causing someone having anorexic syndrome. Verbal, mental as well as physical abuse i got from people frequently is also one of the cause.

ok i think probably i'm lack of sleep, m actualy sitting at starbucks in cap square typing this post, when i'm suppose to go online read more about cardiology in preparation for 2ml's 'discussion' with the cardiologist in IJN.

oh btw, really think the doctor that take me along in his clinic sound like my best mentor prof chin. i think my dear mentor will be super disappointed with me when he know i actually go off so early from the hospital and go waste time in star bucks.............=_=

ok i got nothing to say edy, show some random picture here. Till then.

ya i went Jaeson Ma love concert, in PGRM last month, after finish exam....

and i went Genting again. ok, i'm extremely normal.....just in case after u read my post above u think i'm having MDD/bipolar or psychiatry disorder...........

oh so let's be happy, look at those kids, so cute right!?

Last one, for yvloi, the whole body pic of me wearing this clothes, sorry i forgot i actually got take a pic like this using camera. LOL.

wonder why i look so not pretty everytime i went Genting. T_T

= End =

  • Digg
  • Del.icio.us
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS


Post a Comment