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Love

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love."

I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person, people who are dedicated to personal growth.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.



In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.






Another perspective...

You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST
2. HONEST COMMUNICATION
3. NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING OF TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME , WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS ,THOUGHTS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND RE-ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT





........i saw this article else where long time ago, very meaningful, lets share.......

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